uncertainty

my mom is supposed to start chemo on august 8th. i wish i could just suddenly absorb all of the knowledge that i need to help her decide what the best course of action is for her. at first she asked me what if she didn't want to have chemo. i told her that she had to. but now, i'm questioning this path as well.

i don't claim to be educated about cancer or treatment, and, i don't even have an opinion on what alternative treatment she could/should/might pursue. but i do have a friend who lost her brother to cancer and he was just in his 20's. we discussed if it's worth her living for 5 years, with the side effects of chemo, not feeling like herself OR is it better for her to live for 3 years, fully functioning as the active, on the go lady that she is?

it's scary though because what if she doesn't have chemo and the cancer spreads rapidly and she is affected in other ways by the disease taking over. there are no guarantees. all i know is that right now, she is a woman who has been told it is highly unlikely that she will be alive in five years. and today she is walking several miles every evening, she is independent and busy and active and despite that fact that is dying, she appears completely healthy. not for someone with cancer, but for anyone in general. i'm scared that she will start chemo and then that will change.

i've been reading some cancer message boards specific to people with her stage of the disease. it's very emotional and overwhelming and alot to process. it's unbelievable how many people cancer is affecting, how many it is robbing of their lives, how many families it is ruining.

my brother is accompanying my mom to her appointments and he is going to ask her oncologists about the risks of not going thru chemotherapy and any thoughts that she has on alternative treatments. having spoken to her myself before, i don't expect her to be supportive of anything non-traditional.

i'm hoping that i can find a few online communities that i can use regularly to communicate with other cancer victims and their families and learn as much as i can to make this process a little better for my mom and our family.