if at first you don't succeed

something about me, i start alot of things that i don't finish. or i start things in my head, have great ideas, but i never make that happen. one of those things is blogs. i've started half a dozen and always abandon them. i am hoping that this is the one that sticks. one thing i never blogged about on those blogs, is health/diet/weight loss.

and i never did it because i never had the confidence that i would succeed and i didn't want this public record of my failure. and i know, as of today, i am the only one who even knows this blog exists but someday i might share it with friends and family and i'm ok with putting myself out here, whether i fail or succeed.

i'm overweight. bigtime overweight. i won't share it in pounds but i'm a size 16 and it's super tight these days. last year after my 3rd child was born, i started a bootcamp. i did it for 2 months and lost 18 lbs. then another 9. i kept it off for a year and then suddenly i gained it all back. i am disappointed with myself but i need to focus on losing it and then starting back towards my goal from that point.

i always felt like my mom felt differently towards me when i became a plus sized gal. growing up, thru my teen years and into the very beginning of my 20's i ranged from thin to average, but never overweight. as the years passed, my mom was able to look past my size and see me as me. she always buys and sends me cute clothes and encourages me to feel good about myself. but i want her to see me back at a healthy weight, i don't want her worrying about me so i am going to commit to getting my weight down and getting healthy.

often times i won't take something on because i feel like if i can't do something 100% hardcore, then i am a loser. but i am practicing being soft on myself and i am currently doing the eat to live program. and i am doing my version of it. did i eat 1/4 of a pb&j that wasn't very ETL the other day? yes, i did. but i didn't beat myself up over it.

i started july 12th and have lost 5 pounds. this diet is good for me because i struggle with quantity and you can eat alot on this diet. it just had to be of approved foods. and it doesn't feel like a diet, it is something i can really live with. and eventually when i make a big dent in my weight loss, maybe i will have a day a week that i don't eat the ETL plan.

next week i will post daily what my meals consist of. i've really been trying to find blogs of actual people, especially moms, who are doing this diet and i haven't found that many. so maybe someone will find mine and we can connect and talk ETL together :)